A Day of Wet and Wild Fun
by Meatloaf232
Summary: My first fanfic. Sora and pals go to a water park! Wacky antics ensue.


Hi! And thank you for choosing to view this particular fanfiction for your reading pleasure. This is my very first fanfic, like, ever; so I hope you don't find it to be particularly sucky.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy, or any characters/bands/songs/ect mentioned in this fanfiction, except for Miguel Von Pierre Qui Pon XXVII, who is an OC created by me. Seriously though, you people should know this by know. There's one of these things at the beginning of every story on this site. There's a reason it's called a FANFICTION people!

Some parts of this work of fiction were loosely inspired by actual events. (Ya! Really! Its True!)

A Day of Wet and Wild "Fun"

A Kingdom Hearts fanfiction By Meatloaf232

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we…" Sora was cut off by Cid, who frankly, was becoming a bit annoyed. "DAMMIT SORA SHUT THE #&#& UP, I CAN'T HEAR THE DAMN RADIO!!"

Loud Lynyrd Skynyrd music played on the speaker's of a pick-up truck which was being driven (rather recklessly, might I add) down a busy Radiant Garden highway by none other than Cid. Next to him sat Cloud and Leon, and in the back seat sat Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Also, sitting in the bed of the truck, were Donald, Goofy, and Mickey, who managed sneak away from Minnie for the day so he could visit his friends and go to Radiant Splash Land, the new water park that just opened in Radiant Garden.

"Okay fine!" Sora said, "I'll just sing along then! OH WON'T YA GIVE ME THREE STEPS!! GIVE ME…"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SHUT UP." Riku yelled at Sora. He massaged his temples and wondered how they became friends in the first place. It was days like this that slowly pushed him closer and closer to eventually committing suicide. But he was still excited at the thoughts of shooting down the tallest water slide at blistering speeds. "FINE, I'LL JUST BE QUIET!" Sora responded. "GUYS! CAN WE STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPS NOW!?" Kairi said to them. "Ok, fine! We'll do it your way." Sora said as he pondered how random that just was.

Finally they arrived at their destination. Everyone stood outside the gate and talked about what they would do first as Cid stood at the gate griping about how much tickets were. Finally, they all paid for their tickets and entered park.

"Hey weren't Yuffie, Tifa, and Aerith coming?" Riku asked.

"Yeah, Aerith's driving them in her car, they should be here any minute." Leon answered

"Tifa's coming?" Cloud said. A look of dread came across his face.

Sora began to discuss with Riku what slide to go down first, but before he could Kairi interrupted. "Sora, let's go down that slide!" She pointed towards a gently sloping slide that looked like it was slower than Paris Hilton in an advanced biochemistry class.

"Awwwwwww, but I don't want to." Sora said and pouted at Kairi.

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaase??" Kairi said and then used what is possibly one of the greatest powers known to mankind. It is a power that has solved conflicts. It has turned enemies into friends. It has turned friends into enemies. And when it is unleashed, all resistance is futile. She made…the face. Summoning every bit of strength she had, she looked up at Sora with the saddest puppy dog eyes that he had ever seen. She made a frown that was as big as her face could hold. "Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase can we go down that one?" She said sadly.

What was there that Sora could do? He tried not to look. He tried to ignore it. But it was all for naught. "No…" he said "PLEASE NO, HAVE MERCY!" said Sora, once again turning caps lock on, however the hell that works considering that he didn't even have a caps lock key. "PLEASE, OH PLEASE NO! HELP ME GOD, HELP ME PLEASE! IT'S TO SAD AND CUTE LOOKING! I CAN'T FEEL MY…" and all was silent as Kairi smiled and pulled Sora over the slide she wanted to go down.

Everyone just watched them leave. Finally, Cloud broke the awkward silence, "I'm going to go to the wave pool and avoid Tifa."

"I'm gonna go stand by the kiddy pool and dwell in my own angst and self inflicted misery." said Leon. And with that they both left the group.

Mickey turned to Donald and Goofy,"Alright, who's up for a ride down the Raging Torrent?" he asked the two. They looked up at the slide, which wasn't the tallest, but it was definitely the most formidable looking. That is if waterslides look formidable to you. Most people I know aren't formidified (or whatever the hell the verbal form of 'formidable' is. I honestly don't know and I'm too lazy to find out or think about it.) by waterslides.

"Let's do it!" shouted Donald.

"What?" said the other two.

"I said let's do it!" Donald responded.

"Donald," said Mickey, "we can't understand you. Speak slowly and clearly."

"I said LET'S DO IT!!" Donald said angrily.

"Oh, I understood what he said that time, ahyuk!" said Goofy

"What did he say?" asked Mickey

"He said let's do it! So let's go, ahyuk!" So the trio ran towards the ride. That is until Goofy somehow clumsily tripped over his own flip-flop.

"That's what you get for saying 'ahyuk' at the end of every freaking sentence you anthropomorphic bastard!" yelled the author.

"Uh…guys…" began Goofy

"We heard it too…" replied Mickey. And they say that the voices aren't real!

Riku looked around for something fun to do when he spotted the Whirlpool. It was a rather tall, black slide that looked extremely fast and winded in every direction. Riku knew he had to ride it. After he left, Cid was the only person left. He never liked water parks. Especially not after the "armadillo incident". But before a cheesy flashback scene could start, Cid was randomly hit in the head by bird that was probably high on something, because the author of this particular story hates flashback scenes. And with that Cid walked away looking for something to do.

* * *

Leon was leaning against a post near the kiddy pool, dwelling in his own angst and self inflicted misery as he usually did. Several curious children were standing around watching him for no particular reason.

"Hey mister, what are you doing?" one of them asked.

"I'm being all angsty and miserable." Leon replied.

"Why?"

"Because I'm always all angsty and miserable."

"Why?"

"Because that's the way I am."

"Why?"

"And I thought Sora was annoying." Leon muttered to himself.

* * *

Cloud swam out to the deep end of the wave pool. The wave machine had stopped and the water was calm. There were many other people around him, so he thought that maybe Tifa wouldn't find him there. But he then realized: his hair was easily noticeable from a mile away. He was about to leave and find a better hiding place when he heard a voice behind him.

"So, we meet again Cloud."

He knew that voice. Cloud turned around and came face to face with Sephiroth.

"Sephiroth! I see you still haven't gotten a haircut!"

"I could say the same to you Cloud."

"I got a haircut yesterday!"

"Well next time get a decent one."

"I'm going to kill you for that!"

"You just can't accept that my hair is better than yours."

"Nuh-uh! Your hair isn't even spiky!"

"No one wears their hair that spiky anymore. Just admit it Cloud, my hair is better than yours."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"I'm going to have to agree with Sephiroth here," said the author, "his hair is way better than yours Cloud."

"I hear the voices again…" said Sephiroth, "and they agree with me! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"WHAT!?" Cloud said to the author,"Dude you are so gay!!

"SILENCE!! I AM YOUR MASTER!!" said the author as Cloud spontaneously turned into a succulent grilled chicken sandwich and was surrounded by hungry sharks.

"OK, I'M SORRY!!" Cloud screamed and was transformed back to normal and the sharks disappeared; for I, the author, am a jealous but merciful author.

"Hey! You totally stole that line from my book!" said God.

"Oops…sorry your almighty…superness…hehe…"said the author nervously.

ANYWAY…back to the story.

"I will defeat you right here, right now!" Cloud said.

"Then bring it on Cloud, bring it on."

Sephiroth leaped out of the water and landed on the wall on the edge of the pool, revealing to Cloud what may have been the tiniest, most revealing speedo that he had ever seen. It almost made Cloud pass out at the sight of it, but luckily for him, Sephiroth was ambushed by the other great power of the universe. Possibly the only one more powerful than 'the face'. He heard a shrill cry and moments later…he was attacked by fangirls. Cloud got out of the pool and ran. "_Where the hell are MY fangirls?_" Cloud thought. Normally he would stick around and attack Sephiroth in the confusion, but there was little uglier than a fangirl attack.

* * *

Kairi walked along happily as Sora followed her dragging a 2 person raft against his will. He gazed up at the Avenginator, the tallest, fastest slide in the park. He sighed in disappointment as he imagined blazing down it with Riku at treacherous speeds.

"Hey guys!"

Sora and Kairi jumped at the sudden voice from behind them they turned around to meet Yuffie, who always found an opportunity to sneak up on someone.

"Oh, hey Yuffie." Sora said in a depressed tone.

"What's wrong?" Yuffie asked.

"I wanna go down the Avenginator but Kairi's making me go down that one." Sora answered, pointing at previously mentioned boring slide.

"Oh, that wimp slide?" Yuffie replied, "I went down it earlier, it's not that bad. Hey! We should go down it together!"

"That's a great Idea!" Kairi agreed, "Sora, let's go get a three person raft so Yuffie can come with us!"

"UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHGGGG!" Sora groaned in despair. "How was I kidnapped by these girls?" he asked himself. So he turned around and dragged the raft back to where he got it so he could come back with one that was bigger and heavier. Oh boy!

* * *

Cid had been watching Leon being tortured by little kids for the last half hour now. It's hard to be angsty and miserable with a bunch of little kids annoying you. Cid finally got tired of rolling on the ground laughing so he decided to go talk to Leon. As he approached the children, he remembered the way his father used to scare stray dogs of their front porch.

"Hey! HEY! YOUALLGOONGETONOUTOFHEREYALL!!" he shouted at the children. It worked perfectly and the kids scattered.

"I owe you one Cid." Leon said.

"You sure as hell do," Cid said, "there's just nothing to do around here."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Hey Tifa." Cid and Leon said in unison, when they looked over to greet her, their jaws dropped.

"How do you like my new swimsuit?" she asked them.

Tifa was wearing a black bikini that had caused more than a few men to walk right into a tree. Cid and Leon had both fell in love with her on the spot (As hard as that may be to believe. Personally, I'm scared of Tifa. But unfortunately for us guys, our minds are easily manipulated by things like bikinis, sex, and trucks with unnecessarily large engines). The two were at a loss for words.

"Well I'm gonna go look for Aerith, see ya later." She said and walked away. The two men just stared as she left. Then they looked at each other, and one thing was clear. If either was to win Tifa's love, the other must perish.

* * *

Sephiroth and Cloud were swinging their swords at each other while standing up on a raft speeding down a water slide. There are only so many cool battle scenes to be had in a water park after all. This was one of the few options that put Sephiroth out of reach of his fangirls.

"I always wondered…" Cloud said as he swung his unnecessarily oversized sword which was OBVIOUSLY not compensating for "something" ( _wink _ROFLMFAO XD), "how is it that girls like a homosexual bad guy instead of me: the buff, hot good guy?"

"First of all," Sephy said, "I told you already, It's because of the hair. Secondly, I AM NOT GAY! And lastly, you overestimate you physical appearance. I also whish that the author wouldn't refer to me as 'Sephy'."

"I shall refer to you as I wish." Said the author. Seriously, it gets tiring typing 'Sephiroth' over and over again.

"Fine." Said Sephy. He swung his sword at Cloud's head, but he ducked. When he came up, he tried to knock Sephy of the raft as it went around a corner. Sephy easily jumped over it and locked his blade with Cloud's.

"If you're not gay," Cloud argued, "then why was Lance Bass cast as your voice in the first KH game?" (In case you don't know, Lance Bass is a member of NSYNC who is openly gay, and he was in fact Sephy's voice in KH1)

"That doesn't count because I didn't have any real lines in that game." Sephy responded.

The raft continued down the slide and the battle became more intense.

"You know it's true, Cloud. Just admit it."

"Never!"

"You can't run away forever. Accept the truth, and open your eyes."

"It's not true! You're lying!"

"Fine, believe whatever you wish Cloud. But my hair is still better." Sephy suddenly ducked down for what appeared to be no reason. Cloud wondered what was going on when suddenly the raft entered a tunnel and the back of his head hit the roof, sending him flying over Sephy and smashing onto the hard wet surface.

"SON OF A (censored) SEPHIROTH (censored) WITH A MANATEE (censored) IN A JAR OF (censored) YODA (cencored) WHILE PLAYING PAC-MAN WITH A (censored) TOM CRUISE!!" Cloud screamed as Sephy sped away from him. Sephy chuckled at his rival's foolishness as the raft exited the tunnel and entered the splash pool. He had won this round. The score was Sephy-1 Cloud-Zilch, now he just had to get away from…you guessed it! More fangirls.

* * *

"Come this way, I know a short cut!" Yuffie said, leading Sora and Kairi of the path and through some trees.

"Uh, Yuffie, I think the slide is that way." Said Kairi pointing in the other direction.

"Yeah, but you have to go around two other slides to get there," Yuffie said, "this way's faster."

"Are we there yet?" said everyone's favorite annoying Keyblade wielder.

Yuffie giggled. "Hold on, we're almost there." She said

After a few minutes more of walking they came to a path and a set of stairs. "Here it is!" Yuffie said.

"Are you sure this is it?" Kairi asked. She didn't remember the slide being so tall.

"It looks taller than it really is up close," Yuffie said to them, "let's go!"

Sora groaned once again. Fast forward a half hour (Sora had some trouble carrying the large raft up countless stairs. I am using the term "some" lightly.) They were surprised to find no one in line. They put the raft in the water and got in it. The lifeguard spoke to them. "Radiant Splash Land would like you to know that we hold no responsibility if your body burns up due to atmospheric friction on the way down."

"Huh?" Sora and Kairi gave a confused look to the lifeguard.

"Oh, I'm just kidding with you!" the lifeguard said to them, and proceeded to push the raft towards the slide.

"Sora, you can thank me later." Yuffie said with a smile that was WAAAAAAAY to big to not be suspicious.

Sora was confused until he looked at what was in front of them

"Yuffie," Kairi said, "remind me to kill you later."

"Okay!" Yuffie said cheerfully as the raft began its ultra-fast trip down the Avenginator.

* * *

Cid was hiding in a bush waiting for Leon to walk by so he could ambush and kill him so he could win Tifa's love. Why he thought that he had to kill Leon, I don't know. Us guys are just like that sometimes.

He wasn't getting anywhere so he left his hiding place in order to search for his target. At this point, Cid encountered the third great power of the Universe. Whether it is more powerful than fangirls or "The Face" depends on the degree in which it occurs. Cid saw it coming towards him. A greater horror than any that thou hast ever seen. It was a day care center field trip. An uncontrollable stampede of children ages 5-9 came running at unimaginable speeds. It was too late for Cid, he just wasn't fast enough. When the dust cleared, he was little more than a bloody mass on the sidewalk. Leon stood watching and laughing his ass off. It was amazing what kids would do if candy was promised. It's also amazing what they will do if that promise cannot be kept. Leon soon found himself running for his life.

* * *

Kairi enjoyed the ride more than she expected to. This was made more so by the fact that Sora was screaming and holding on to her like a scared child the entire way down while Yuffie just laughed at her own sneaky ninja skills. When they arrived at the bottom, Yuffie had already snuck away. She was probably afraid that Kairi WOULD kill her.

Now, I bet that you've already forgotten about Riku. What? No? You haven't? Well that proves that you're just an obsessive fangirl. Ha Ha! I'm just kidding with you! (Or am I?) But seriously, here's Riku's part of the story.

Riku had been waiting in line to ride the Whirlpool for half an hour. It was obviously a popular ride.

"Hey Riku!"

Riku jumped. He looked up to see Yuffie right in front of him. "Oh, hey Yuffie."

But wait a minute, Yuffie wasn't there five minutes ago. That fat kid with the Charmander swim trunks was in front of him. He then remembered that Yuffie was a ninja and all was made clear. "Watch'ya doin?" she asked him.

"Uh…waiting in line." He answered.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I see…" She said.

There was a pause, followed by an awkward pause, followed by slightly less awkward but still kind of awkward pause. Finally, Yuffie spoke up. "You know what, we don't have to wait back here!" And in an instant that Riku could not explain, they were suddenly next in line. It was probably some super ninja secret. Ninjas are awesome like that. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: Pirates are awesome, but ninjas are better. If you disagree, you are entitled to your opinion although it is WRONG) The lifeguard looked to see if the splash pool was clear, and motioned to Yuffie that she could go. Then Yuffie got that same evil smile that she always gets when she gets an idea. She looked at Riku and said "See ya at the bottom!" And with that she grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the dark slide with her.

"Are you ready?" Yuffie asked after a few seconds of fast, twisting, water slide action.

"For what?"

"This!" Yuffie said as she pushed her hands and feet against the sides of the tunnel bringing the two to a complete stop. Riku slammed into her, but she still held on.

"I think I broke my toe!" Riku said.

"Oh, stop whining you wuss." Yuffie said half seriously.

"Why are we doing this?" Riku asked.

"Because it disrupts the system and causes chaos and disorder!" Yuffie answered. They could hear the lifeguards talking above them from where they were.

"Oh great, somebody did it again!" one of them said.

"That's the third time today!" another said.

"We have to get them out somehow." The first said.

"I know! Get that big kid in the charmander swim trunks to go down and flush em' out!"

"OH CRAP!" Riku and Yuffie said in unison. Yuffie quickly let go and they began back down. They heard the "charmander kid" yelling with joy as he sped down towards them. They knew that if he hit them, it would hurt. It was dark inside the tunnel, so Riku couldn't see how close the kid was, but he knew that he was gaining.

"Not good! NOT GOOD!" Riku screamed, fearing for his life.

"I know! I KNOW!" Yuffie responded. She tried to think of a way to escape. "Listen! When we hit the pool, DIVE!" A few seconds later, they could see light. When they hit the water, Yuffie just grabbed Riku and pushed him underwater. Right as they went down, the fat kid shot right over them, narrowly missing them. Riku came up coughing up water. Yuffie and him quickly swam to the other end of the pool and got out. They were trying to catch their breath when Riku spoke.

"Yuffie…" he said, "you saved my life."

"I know!" she said. Then suddenly she hugged him. Riku blushed slightly…

"NO WAIT, STOP. I WILL NOT HAVE ANY SHIPPYNESS IN MY FANFIC." Said the author.

"Awwwwwww, but…" Yuffie protested.

"NO BUTS!" yelled the author.

"What if she wants to be all shippy?" asked a random bystander.

"FINE! DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT! I'M GONNA GO GET SOME FRITOS!" And with that, the author left. But of course, without him writing the story, nothing happened. When he returned, he decided to just start the next part of the story.

* * *

Cloud and Sephy sat at a picnic table eating nachos and discussing various things.

"…so I said 'And you thought my SWORD was big! '"

The two laughed and finished their snacks. "You ready for the last round?" Sephy asked.

"Sure am!" Cloud answered.

ROUND 21

Sepiroth-10

Cloud-9 (LOLZ XD)

Cloud and Sephy had been fighting all day over whose hair was ultimately better, with one round even ending in a tie (the fangirls managed to catch up.) I will not go into detail about these battles because I can't come up with any more battle scenes. (Srry :-( )

Cloud and Sephy were standing on an inner tube floating in the deep end of the wave pool. The wave machine was on, making the tube rock in every which way. Cloud, struggling to maintain balance, swung his sword at Sephy's mid-section, but he easily blocked it. Sephy jumped and came down for an attack from above. Cloud dove into the water to doge it, and somehow leaped out of the water and landed on the lifeguard chair. Sephy spawned his infamous wing and leaped at Cloud and with a single slash; he sliced the lifeguard tower in two, causing it to fall in the water along with the lifeguard. Cloud jumped down to the ground.

"Come and get me you one winged FREAK!"

"Oh, YOU DID NOT JUST DIS THE WING!"

Sephy charged at Cloud, but he tripped over an obscenely large pair of pants. "Oh, sorry, those are mine." Said a man over to the side. Sephy and Cloud looked at him.

"Jared!?" Yes! It was none other that Jared! You know, that guy who lost, like, 4000 pounds by eating nothing but Subway for 36 years.

"I would stay and chat, by I gotta run." He quickly ran away as fast has he could, persued by a pack screaming girls.

"Wha…EVEN JARED HAS FANGIRLS!? Cloud said, dumbfounded. "Why don't I have fangirls!?

"Because, Cloud…" Cloud looked around for Sephy, who had managed to sneak away. Suddenly, Sephy appeared out of nowhere and stabbed him in the chest. But he didn't die of course, because this is all in the freaky, kid friendly Disney universe. "your hair sucks." Sephiroth had won the battle, because he is awesome.

* * *

Cid had finally finished building his ultimate death trap. All Leon had to do was walk up to the snack bar, thus triggering the trip wire, causing a door to open releasing a ball, which would roll down a track and fall onto a button which would cause a rabid raccoon to receive an electric shock; it would then run into a lever, which would open a cage, containing a wild cougar, which would proceed to maul Leon. It was perfect. Leon moved into position.

"Yes, here it comes!" said Cid excitedly. The trap went off, which I will not describe in detail because I am lazy. Finally the cage was opened, but the cougar was dead because Yuffie though it would be fun to infect it with feline Dapikurtirosis, which doesn't exist, but I am the author, and what I say shall be dammit!

Cid became angry, (Wouldn't you be?) and tackled Leon to the ground. The two were rolling around on the ground kicking and biting and basically trying to rip each other to shreds.

"Tifa likes me better!" Leon said as he tried to knee Cid in the groin.

"No, she likes me!" Cid yelled and tried to bite Leon's ear off.

The two finally got up off the ground and were about to slug each other in the face when Tifa showed up.

"Hey guys," She said to them, "I want you meet my new boyfriend!"

The two stopped and looked over to Tifa. She was holding hands with a tall man who had long black hair which he wore in a pony tail. He also had a curly moustache and long goatee, and he wore a monocle over his left eye. Of course their first thoughts were 'WTF!?'.

"Hello," the man said, "my name is Miguel Von Pierre Qui Pon XXVII."

"I think everyone's getting ready to leave, we're heading toward the gate. You should get ready." And with that Tifa and Miguel walked away.

Leon and Cid watched them leave. They knew she was just trying to trick Cloud into thinking that it was safe to come out of hiding so that she could detain him and force him to love her. But the experience had opened their eyes, and they realized that it was hopeless.

"Uh…truce?" Leon said extending his hand towards Cid.

"Truce." Cid said taking his hand and shaking it.

* * *

Everyone was gathered at the gate except for Yuffie, Riku, and Cloud. Cloud was probably near by, Tifa wasn't fooling him with her new "boyfriend". Suddenly Yuffie ran around a corner and threw her arms around Aerith. She appeared to be crying.

"Yuffie, what's wrong?" Aerith asked.

"It's Riku!" She said.

"What! What's wrong with Riku!?" Sora asked worriedly.

"He…He's gone to the dark side!"

"Huh?"

"I saw a security hologram of him…killing younglings!!"

"Yuffie, how much sugar have you had today?" Aerith asked.

"Oh, definitely way too much!" Yuffie answered.

"I told you we shouldn't have let her watch Revenge of the Sith last night." Leon whispered to Cid.

Riku came walking from the same way that Yuffie came. "Hey Riku!" Yuffie said.

"Hi Yuffie!" Riku said happily.

"Hey, were you two being all shippy while I was writing the other part of the story?" the author asked.

"Uh…no." they both said.

"DAMMIT I SAID NO SHIPPYNESS!!"

Well, the day had ended and everyone got into Cid's truck. Cid got into the driver's seat, started the truck, and turned on his CD player.

"WELL IT'S…8 O' CLOCK IN BOISIE, IDA…"

"DAMMIT SORA SHUT THE #&#& UP!!"

t3h e/\/dz

Thanks for reading my fanfic. All credit for the idea of Cloud bringing up the fact that Lance Bass voiced Sephy in KH1 goes to my good friend WWtwo. He also corrected some of my mistakes that spell check missed. I couldn't have done it without him ( actually I could have, but I'm just being nice today.)


End file.
